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:iconahintofwanderlust: More from ahintofwanderlust


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literature by Sitas-the-Fool

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Literature by wolfofdesire


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Submitted on
May 25, 2012
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she wears me upon
her withered hand:
an angel's halo
with no beginning or
end —
infinite.
she didn't like
metaphors
or goodbyes
but he brushed away the
drops of jupiter
twinkling on her
face,
promising to
return but it was
just a fool's
errand
and now i am
a memoir of
reminiscence;

because he is
dead but he is
not, he is
gone but he is
here, he is
a ghost
alive with
remembrance,
a memory preserved;

she wears me upon
her withered hand:
the crown of a
king lost in battle
and she
grazes me with her
lips and
trembles
because soon i
will be a
metaphor and
she will be the
goodbye.
written from the viewpoint of an old woman's wedding ring. the concept of infinity has been tugging at me recently; i think it's fascinating how some concepts and feelings can truly transcend the boundaries of time. even though her husband has died (and she is close to death), their love still lingers.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-07-14
a timeless ring by ahintofwanderlust achieves poetic impact with stellar enjambment; the suggester is not wrong in saying it is "a beautiful concept written with thoughtful words" ( Suggested by saevuswinds and Featured by ShadowedAcolyte )
:iconscarlet-myth:
Scarlet-Myth Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful
Reply
:iconshep4life:
shep4life Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is truly stunning
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:iconthedreamsoftheages:
TheDreamsOfTheAges Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
Beautiful poem! :)
Reply
:iconlaylaaquaris:
laylaaquaris Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
It's beautiful
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:iconawill4517:
awill4517 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
love it
very heart felt
and sad at the same time
Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring 
Reply
:iconkarikka:
karikka Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
i like this poem a whole lot :)
not very eloquent but still
it was delicate and pretty
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:iconmeaguy:
meaguy Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
TL:DR
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:icondelta7xx:
delta7Xx Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
oh wow, its so pretty!
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:iconarianne10:
Arianne10 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Student General Artist
awesome Heart 
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:iconthekiwicat:
TheKiwiCat Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
That was lovely Hamtaro Mouse Emoji-02 (Kawaii) [V1] 
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz::iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
I’m very happy for you!!! :iconloveloveplz: :tighthug:
Reply
:iconwatsisface:
watsisface Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I love it when a poem ends powerfully! Awesome!
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:iconnovalia1001:
Novalia1001 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
Chilling
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:iconbackshelfsouvenir:
BackShelfSouvenir Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
This is a really refreshing and brilliant concept! Wonderful piece! And of course congrats on the DD!! :)
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:iconleftunfinished:
LeftUnfinished Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Beautiful. :heart:
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:icontimberheart:
Timberheart Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014
Awwwh </3 this is so cute<333 it reminds me of my grandma ^^
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:iconautumnalbloom:
AutumnalBloom Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Student Photographer
I love this, what a beautiful poem. You truly deserve this DD, great job! :3
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:icongreenemerald200:
greenemerald200 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Student General Artist
The poem is absolutely beautiful and touching, such a great idea, such an innovative and unique perspective used to discuss the topic~! :)
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:iconaochiro:
Aochiro Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Student
This is...sweet. And silently empowering. ^^
Congrats~.
Reply
:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Student Writer
Congratulations on the Daily Deviation!
Reply
:iconmaroonlynx:
MaroonLynx Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Great poem.
Not too sure if  the verse "a memory preserved" was inspired by Tom Riddle, but overall, this poem was really beautiful.
Reply
:iconexplosive-diarrhea:
Explosive-diarrhea Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is very beautiful!!!keep up the good work,cuz you are AMAZING!!!
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:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :love: by CookiemagiK
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:iconalwayshoping:
AlwaysHoping Featured By Owner May 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I like the shortness of the lines and it is a good poem but a bit confusing at times other then that it was good :)
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:iconsto67:
sto67 Featured By Owner May 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
lines are way too short and chops up the flow completely.

people naturally stop at the end of the line when they read so that their eyes have time to skip to the next line. you make your lines so short that they don't need to do that, so they fly through the piece without actually reading it properly.

ask yourself this, why do you need to break up each line after 3-4 words? what does it do for your poem?

you also ramble a bit in some of your sentences. you need to focus them and tighten the poem up so that you have maximum impact with each word you write.

your imagery is actually pretty good, with the exception of "drops of jupiter" which i found pretty weak as a pop culture reference.

hope it helps!
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:iconahintofwanderlust:
ahintofwanderlust Featured By Owner May 27, 2012
ah, okay. thank you so much for the feedback! i probably won't be redoing this poem or any of the others at the moment (but perhaps later if i can come back and look at them with fresh eyes). i understand what you mean with the choppiness/rambling parts, though. it's definitely something i'll try to focus on if i decide to write any more poetry.

but thank you so much for your time and critiques! c:
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:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner May 26, 2012  Student Writer
Very interesting and unique. A little confusing, but I kind of like that. The flow was a little weird, but other than that, I loved this very much. :)
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